“A Beard Abroad” - Travel Blog

A travel blog about a beard

In 2015 I took some time off work to travel throughout Asia and Peru. When I first began planning the trip family and friends asked whether I would be keeping a travel blog to keep people updated. I decided that a blog about my travels wouldn’t be that interesting to anybody, so instead kept a blog about the beard I was attempting to grow (which is even less interesting).

Here are a few of the posts as an example of the dumb things I write when nobody (except maybe my mom) is reading.

April 16, 2015

Beard envy in Bali

I’ve always wanted a beard. A beard is the ultimate expression of manliness and all the coolest guys have them: Ernest Hemingway, Jesus, William T. Riker. Unfortunately, as you’ve seen, I wasn’t blessed with natural beard-growing ability. But what I lack in growth I make up for in enthusiasm. And envy. One of my favourite pastimes is admiring the beards of others then hating the faces they belong to. Why are those jerks so fortunate to be able to grow dense, thick hair on their faces? And the people who have the ability to don God’s greatest gift to man and choose not to? Don’t get me started.

This week I added this primate to my beard-envy list.

may 1, 2015

Khao Sok and your questions answered

Dear Craig,

Thank you so much for creating this beard blog. I have been following religiously and can’t wait for your next post. I know you’re very busy growing your beard, but I was wondering if you could answer a question that has been weighing on my mind: does your beard prefer fresh or salt water?

Thanks for all your hard work,

Your Biggest Beard Fan

Hi Biggest Beard Fan,

Thanks for your thoughtful question- your timing couldn’t be better! We were just in Khao Sok- a national park in Thailand- for a few days. There is a man-made fresh water lake there, so I’ve had the chance to do some serious research.

In 6 days of island-hopping in Thailand, my beard was exposed to lots of sea, sand, and sun. The result was my beard becoming coarser and squeaky feeling. Running a hand through it or kissing it (I imagine) were made much less pleasant. Thankfully, Khao Sok offered a welcomed break. While the lake wasn’t particularly refreshing (with a temperature somewhere in the high 80s), the water was fresh. After an afternoon swim my beard relaxed a little bit- now able to move more freely without the salt playing a factor. I also noticed that I was more aware of my beard moving back and forth in the water (because of less buoyancy, maybe?). Of course, anything that reminds me of my beard is a positive thing in my mind. So, with the increase in beard softness and awareness, I feel comfortable saying that my beard prefers fresh water over salt water.

However, while there was a big lake, beautiful scenery, and lots of wildlife- there weren’t many other humans (unlike on salt-water surrounded islands we’ve visited). Which begs the question: if there’s a soft, beautiful, glorious beard but nobody to appreciate it, is the beard really glorious?

may 10, 2015

Bangkok and entering the fourth stage of beardom

You go through different stages when you grow a beard. I know, it was a surprise to me as well- until I started this journey. There's the "he hasn't shaved in a while" stage, the "I guess he's trying to grow something" stage, and the "beard worthy of a blog" stage.

I've just entered the next stage-  the "distinguished gentleman" stage.

How do I know that I've reached this fourth stage? Well, after taking a night ferry and mini-bus to Bangkok, we arrived in the Khao San Rd area, where our guest house was situated. Almost immediately a well dressed man approached me and offered to make me a suit. I thanked him for his generous offer but declined (I'm not sure a suit made to my current measurements would fit for very long once I return to normal life). After letting him down easy and continuing on our way I was approached again, this new gentleman had a folder in his hands and wanted to show me the different kinds of suits he could make for me. I thanked this second man as well, telling him that his suits were beautiful but I wasn't interested. Guess what happened next? ANOTHER man approached me and asked if I'd like a suit. I guess the beard had an especially powerful effect on him, because he even told me, "for you, best price". 

Now, this never happened to me back home. Not once was I approached on the street by a man telling me that I would look great in a suit and that he would like to be the person to tailor one for me.

The only variable that accounts for the difference between my experience in Bangkok and back home? The beard, of course.

may 19, 2015

Cambodia and things heard

I hear the temples of Angkor were amazing.

I hear that Angkor Wat was beautiful at sunrise. I hear that it becomes more and more impressive as you explore it and that, even though it is such a popular tourist destination, it's still possible to find yourself in a quiet part of the temple without a single other person around.

I hear that Angkor Thom was a great ancient capital, and that there are still beautiful temple ruins there, including one temple that has hundreds of stone faces carved into its towers. 

I hear that there were other expansive temples that lie within the jungle and that nature has become part of the structure, with giant roots wrapping around temple walls. 

I hear the temples of Angkor were unbelievable but I was too busy taking selfies and admiring my beard to check it out.

june 25, 2015

Inca Trail and the end of the road

These past 3 months have been a dream come true.

In my youth, while other adolescent males were dreaming of scoring (in sporting events and otherwise), I was dreaming of having a beard - only to awaken each morning to a bare face and an overwhelming sense of disappointment.

While the beard I have cultivated isn't exactly the beard of my dreams (my dream beard belongs to an Italian tourist we saw in Arequipa and Cusco), it is something I can call my own and I love it despite all of its flaws. I don't know what the future holds for me and my beard but I'm sure it will be bright.

Sorry, I was only thinking of myself. I'm sure you also have questions about what the future will hold for you and my beard now that this blog has run its course.

Well, it's probably safe to say that there will be a book deal in the near future. That's what happens to wildly successful blogs, right? Scott Griffin of House of Anansi Press, R. Bradley Martin of Penguin Random House Canada, Iris Tupholme of HarperCollins Canada, Sonny Mehta of Alfred A. Knopf  (in the off chance that you haven't heard of this blog yet but have a google alert set up for your names) - give me a call if you want to reach the highly sought after demographic of Craig's mom and Bernadette's mom.